About Dr Evgenii Timofeev
I was born in a small resort town called Mountain Springs in the Primorskii region of the Far East of Russia to a middle-class family. As a kid, I aspired to become an architect, just like my father was.
At the age of ten, I returned home after playing with my mates outside to witness my father going through a stroke. This was the beginning of his partial paralysis and a life-long disability. This was the first shattering encounter with the Real, which changed everything for me. Overnight, the idealised other who had embodied perfection had been transformed into an incapacitated man.
However, my father had not been entirely broken by the stroke. He worked hard at recovering mobility, strength, coordination and clarity of focus. He regained his independence, was able to work odd jobs, take care of the house and the farm, assist the family and his ageing parents and, most importantly, be a father to me. His will to live, perseverance, industriousness and reliability have inspired me to be of service to those who seek ways through the impossible.
However, my father had not been entirely broken by the stroke. He worked hard at recovering mobility, strength, coordination and clarity of focus. He regained his independence, was able to work odd jobs, take care of the house and the farm, assist the family and his ageing parents and, most importantly, be a father to me. His will to live, perseverance, industriousness and reliability have inspired me to be of service to those who seek ways through the impossible.
Having learnt from my father’s example how that which one cherishes can be taken away irreversibly, I delved into a study of the central human predicament – suffering – and the ways out of it. The piercing insight of impermanence that came from observing my father was the best teacher. Before the stroke, my father was highly athletic, successful and respected. Yet, he lost most of his bodily control, livelihood, and status after it. The frontiers between the conscious and the unconscious became blurred for him, which allowed suppressed pain and repressed words out, causing much havoc in his marriage. Watching how that, which was perceived as solid and reliable, that is – familial harmony – crumbles and disintegrates, has taught me a great deal about ‘the other side’ of ordinary human aspirations. From that time onwards, it became apparent to me that lasting happiness, peace and freedom cannot be found within the conventional world. Around the age of sixteen, I received an offer from my maternal uncle to baptise together in Russian Orthodox Church. He was always a figure whom I admired and respected for his qualities of acceptance, kindness, diligence and wisdom. I agreed, knowing that he carries best interest for me in his heart. However, after baptism I quickly abandoned any connection with Church since its language and practice didn’t resonate with me as yet. More grounded, clear and mature understanding of Christianity was meant to happen at a later stage. |
In order to find the way out of all-too-obvious existential suffering, I decided to travel the world and learn from those who are skilled.
Having finished school with excellency, I entered university to study the practicalities of traveling, specialising in tourism and hospitality. This allowed me to visit China, the United States, India and Southeast Asia.
During one of these journeys...
I have received the news about my father passing. His final years were marked by gradual decline in the health of his heart. Eventually, it has cracked under pressure of physical and mental struggle and he died peacefully, in his sleep. This once again has imprinted on my awareness the undeniable truth of inevitable separation from all the things and people that are dear.
Carrying on with life, gradually accumulating experience in adapting to different cultures, serving people in various ways, studying languages and, most importantly, practising the arts of movement, I have discovered that which was of true benefit for cultivating qualities necessary for tapping into lasting happiness.
Amongst those qualities, the most important were discipline, endurance, ‘chewing bitter’, and the capacity to focus on a task indefinitely, which came from training in Shotokan Karate and Shaolin Gongfu. Precision, drilling the method until it transforms oneself, dedication, respect towards others, comradeship and goodwill in the face of diversity, full expression of one’s energy all stemmed from the practice of martial arts.
Carrying on with life, gradually accumulating experience in adapting to different cultures, serving people in various ways, studying languages and, most importantly, practising the arts of movement, I have discovered that which was of true benefit for cultivating qualities necessary for tapping into lasting happiness.
Amongst those qualities, the most important were discipline, endurance, ‘chewing bitter’, and the capacity to focus on a task indefinitely, which came from training in Shotokan Karate and Shaolin Gongfu. Precision, drilling the method until it transforms oneself, dedication, respect towards others, comradeship and goodwill in the face of diversity, full expression of one’s energy all stemmed from the practice of martial arts.
Another set of useful qualities came from the practice of parkour. The ethos of strength developed for the sake of being useful to others coupled with the way of seeing the world not in terms of limits but only as challenges to overcome contributed to touching upon freedom nearing boundless.
Practising parkour, I used to get outside and run through the streets of Vladivostok, going through any obstacles that arose: climbing abandoned buildings, running up steep slopes, jumping off roofs and dodging the crowd. This ability to move in ways exceeding general human capacities yet with altruistic motives to guide oneself helped me to separate from the grip of the Other’s demand without falling into resentment and nihilistic despondence. Being free to express oneself fully was the direct pathway to owning one’s desire.
Deciding to continue on the path of service and self-expression, I have moved to Shanghai. I’ve joined a group of like-minded friends, who have established a parkour business, running classes for children and adults, taking on performance projects and pioneering this discipline in China. Travelling, practising, teaching and performing around China, I have encountered Taijiquan and Buddhism, both of which have become the main objects of my subsequent studies.
Deciding to continue on the path of service and self-expression, I have moved to Shanghai. I’ve joined a group of like-minded friends, who have established a parkour business, running classes for children and adults, taking on performance projects and pioneering this discipline in China. Travelling, practising, teaching and performing around China, I have encountered Taijiquan and Buddhism, both of which have become the main objects of my subsequent studies.
Shortly after travelling from China to India and studying meditation there for a few months, I have returned to Russia to visit my relatives and help my mother. It is here that another shattering event of encountering the Real has taken place. My mother has passed away due to carbon dioxide poisoning whilst sleeping in a small unit at our property because the main mansion was being rented out to a group of tourists celebrating the new year.
I have spent the remainder of that winter by myself in our family mansion, mourning the losses of my two dearest people, drawing, dancing and training. I have taken up a daily routine of walking up the hill next to the Orthodox church, which overlooked the settlement of Mountain Springs and practicing taijiquan there in stillness and crispness of frosty air. Many dear people had helped me at the time, reminding me of the gift of friendship, virtue of empathy, and authentic raw openness of the heart, which is truly known only when faced with loss.
Still fresh with scars of loss, I have returned to China for a few more parkour projects and journeys to sacred mountains of Daoism and Buddhism, after which I have moved to Melbourne, Australia, to pursue a doctoral degree in the practice of interdisciplinary arts.
I have spent the remainder of that winter by myself in our family mansion, mourning the losses of my two dearest people, drawing, dancing and training. I have taken up a daily routine of walking up the hill next to the Orthodox church, which overlooked the settlement of Mountain Springs and practicing taijiquan there in stillness and crispness of frosty air. Many dear people had helped me at the time, reminding me of the gift of friendship, virtue of empathy, and authentic raw openness of the heart, which is truly known only when faced with loss.
Still fresh with scars of loss, I have returned to China for a few more parkour projects and journeys to sacred mountains of Daoism and Buddhism, after which I have moved to Melbourne, Australia, to pursue a doctoral degree in the practice of interdisciplinary arts.
The project I proposed to undertake consisted of taking up the Lacanian concept of the Real, the shattering effects of encountering it, and examining how to turn this encounter into an enriching and enlightening event. In order to do so, I have initially chosen martial arts, parkour, and the art of performance as the main methods of my research. Continuing to work across various movement arts, including contact improvisation, physical theatre, traditional Southeast Asian trance practices, and internal martial arts, I have travelled extensively throughout Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines, India and China, performing, sharing my skills and knowledge with others and learning from skilful practitioners of the above arts. During these years of research, I have dedicated a lot of focus to traditional Southeast Asian trance in the context of contemporary dance performance. Through this work, I have come to recognise the transformative effects of performance practice on the psyche. The value of the arts in the process of mourning is that of creating an artifice in the place of loss, a monument, which externalises grief thereby allowing for acceptance. Through the practice of psychophysical trance I have developed capacity to access that, which is called a ‘speaking body’ within psychoanalytic jargon - a strata of self-expression otherwise censored by habitual patterns of moving and holding the body. Accessing this strata and undoing consequences of ‘inscription’ left by repressed signifying material amounts to deep levels of release, opens spaces for spontaneity and does away with many blockages in the subtle body. |
In performance, one develops the capacity to give to others via being seen and by doing actions that produce cathartic experiences – an event of blurring the division between language and the drive.
Opening up in vigour, intensity, generosity and elation before the eyes of another, sustaining the autopoietic loop of connection, and genuinely expressing that, which arises for both the performer and the spectator, was a way of honesty and humility. It is impossible to lie while performing, because the lack of transparency is immediately seen. If one’s heart is naked and sincere, one’s intention is that of transforming dissonant emotions into a series of actions that are not only aesthetically beautiful, graceful and extraordinary but also revealing something of the order of the sublime, the inner radiance otherwise withheld, it results in the transformation of all those involved. This amounts to an act of service that brings forth wholesome qualities, dispels stagnation and depression, enlivens and inspires people.
Yet, gradually my focus has shifted towards stillness.
About this time, my consistent practice of the Buddhist Path has begun. Having met a Theravadin monk in Malaysia, I have sat through my first Vipassana retreat, which has proven to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. This practice has made the reality of stress pertaining to materiality and mortality of life clearly seen for me. Such insight has opened a new perspective on the Lacanian Real – it is not that the Real by its nature is shattering and traumatic. Rather, it is our dissociation from the Real via fantasy, conformity, experiences, creation of self, and the process of becoming that renders the truth of suffering unbearable to face up to. Therefore, whenever dukkha breaks through our alienation within conventional reality, we are shattered by the realness of the encounter. Continuing to practice in accordance with this perspective, I have gradually undone most of the effects of ‘dissociation’, that is, the periods of losing mindfulness upon encountering the Real.
The first noble truth of suffering is what we stubbornly expel to the outside, not wishing to know anything about it, misrecognising it at all costs, either through addictions, escapism, procrastination, specialisation, relationship or sheer ignorance regarding that, which signals us with anxiety and fear. This results in disembodiment – not wishing to know the most intimate about ourselves, we displace awareness onto something else. Conversely, if we look at that, which is stressful in the body and mind, we rediscover the Real within. Having seen it for what it is, we are no longer shattered but illuminated by the encounter.
Having taken the Path of the Buddha as the main method of my doctoral research from now on, I have expounded upon the practice leading to the rediscovery and embodiment of the Real. Within my research thesis, I linked Lacanian conceptual structures with Buddhist tenets. I have shown how martial arts, parkour and the art of performance can be applied as ‘skilful means’ for traversing the spaces of subjectivity otherwise inaccessible to language. This has demonstrated how the ‘talking cure’, i.e. psychoanalysis, can nuance traditional Dhamma practice and can be enhanced by working directly with the body by means of movement arts. The interdisciplinary practice has proven to be superlative to dogmatic ways of specialised traditions at efficiently resolving the hurdle of (clinging to) traumatic experiences within spiritual cultivation.
Yet, gradually my focus has shifted towards stillness.
About this time, my consistent practice of the Buddhist Path has begun. Having met a Theravadin monk in Malaysia, I have sat through my first Vipassana retreat, which has proven to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done. This practice has made the reality of stress pertaining to materiality and mortality of life clearly seen for me. Such insight has opened a new perspective on the Lacanian Real – it is not that the Real by its nature is shattering and traumatic. Rather, it is our dissociation from the Real via fantasy, conformity, experiences, creation of self, and the process of becoming that renders the truth of suffering unbearable to face up to. Therefore, whenever dukkha breaks through our alienation within conventional reality, we are shattered by the realness of the encounter. Continuing to practice in accordance with this perspective, I have gradually undone most of the effects of ‘dissociation’, that is, the periods of losing mindfulness upon encountering the Real.
The first noble truth of suffering is what we stubbornly expel to the outside, not wishing to know anything about it, misrecognising it at all costs, either through addictions, escapism, procrastination, specialisation, relationship or sheer ignorance regarding that, which signals us with anxiety and fear. This results in disembodiment – not wishing to know the most intimate about ourselves, we displace awareness onto something else. Conversely, if we look at that, which is stressful in the body and mind, we rediscover the Real within. Having seen it for what it is, we are no longer shattered but illuminated by the encounter.
Having taken the Path of the Buddha as the main method of my doctoral research from now on, I have expounded upon the practice leading to the rediscovery and embodiment of the Real. Within my research thesis, I linked Lacanian conceptual structures with Buddhist tenets. I have shown how martial arts, parkour and the art of performance can be applied as ‘skilful means’ for traversing the spaces of subjectivity otherwise inaccessible to language. This has demonstrated how the ‘talking cure’, i.e. psychoanalysis, can nuance traditional Dhamma practice and can be enhanced by working directly with the body by means of movement arts. The interdisciplinary practice has proven to be superlative to dogmatic ways of specialised traditions at efficiently resolving the hurdle of (clinging to) traumatic experiences within spiritual cultivation.
The Real is synonymous with trauma, which is a complex and touchy subject that is given a lot of attention nowadays.
The perspective on trauma within cultivation arts is such that it is yet another source for clinging-sustenance. In other words, it is a tangible experience to form a sense of self around. At the same time, trauma carries within it a potential for momentary awakening to the truths of impermanence, unsatisfactoriness and selflessness of that seemingly continuous experience, which we consider to be ourselves. Trauma creates a break in continuity of the experience of self, thereby opening the door to glimpse at the state of being free from identifications. It is undoubtedly a painful sight to witness, yet, my conclusion upon completing my research, was that one should not turn away from it, but instead, move towards it, allowing it to be relieving and fostering insight. Approaching trauma without fascination, resentment or terror, but with humility, sustained mindfulness and surrender, which is by no means easy to do, not only helps to integrate its shattering effects, but also prevents further layers of ‘traumatised self’ to form around it.
Having successfully defended my thesis, which was supplied with various creative works featuring performance pieces and videos of practice, I felt completely exhausted. It was not an exhaustion due to the volume of the work that has been accomplished, but rather, a form of disenchantment with competitiveness of the academic world, where intelligence turns into a tool of establishment one’s self and gaining recognition.
I felt no desire or energy within me to sustain any further academic pursuits, so I have settled down to work within the sphere of disability and mental health support in the Yarra Ranges, eastern suburbs of Melbourne. I was living by the Yarra River, not too far from the largest Theravadin Buddhist monastery in Victoria, where I have regularly volunteered to help out, undertaken temporary ordinations as a monk and practiced Dharma in the company of good friends whose aspirations were one-pointed. My practice at that time consisted of vipassana, samatha, maintenance of the elements from various movement arts that I’ve studied before, and the plethora of cultivational methods of Daoist Internal Arts. Developing such modalities as qigong, neigong, taijiquan, baguazhang, and neidan or internal alchemy, has proven effective for harmonising the body, energy, and mind, bringing them to a more suitable disposition for spiritual cultivation. Working in this fashion on energetic and mental components of that, which constitutes embodied reality, namely - Qi and consciousness - allowed me to go much further than the level of traversing the unsymbolisable, which pertains to the Real found within the psychic apparatus.
This marks a drastic difference between the psyche and that, which is worked with by means of cultivation. Once the foremost characteristics of neurosis, namely fantasy of fullness, denial of the drive and repression of anything that has to do with materiality and mortality are taken out of the way, a subject is in the position to cultivate the way and the truth. On this path, no longer subservient to the desire and demand of the other, a subject attends directly to physicality, energetics, consciousness and phenomena, without constantly rendering any of these aspects as ‘me’ and ‘mine’. Aspects that constitute one’s embodied identity are developed in a linear fashion, a more subtle stratum on top of a more gross, reflecting universality and applicability of the path to all individuals.
Having successfully defended my thesis, which was supplied with various creative works featuring performance pieces and videos of practice, I felt completely exhausted. It was not an exhaustion due to the volume of the work that has been accomplished, but rather, a form of disenchantment with competitiveness of the academic world, where intelligence turns into a tool of establishment one’s self and gaining recognition.
I felt no desire or energy within me to sustain any further academic pursuits, so I have settled down to work within the sphere of disability and mental health support in the Yarra Ranges, eastern suburbs of Melbourne. I was living by the Yarra River, not too far from the largest Theravadin Buddhist monastery in Victoria, where I have regularly volunteered to help out, undertaken temporary ordinations as a monk and practiced Dharma in the company of good friends whose aspirations were one-pointed. My practice at that time consisted of vipassana, samatha, maintenance of the elements from various movement arts that I’ve studied before, and the plethora of cultivational methods of Daoist Internal Arts. Developing such modalities as qigong, neigong, taijiquan, baguazhang, and neidan or internal alchemy, has proven effective for harmonising the body, energy, and mind, bringing them to a more suitable disposition for spiritual cultivation. Working in this fashion on energetic and mental components of that, which constitutes embodied reality, namely - Qi and consciousness - allowed me to go much further than the level of traversing the unsymbolisable, which pertains to the Real found within the psychic apparatus.
This marks a drastic difference between the psyche and that, which is worked with by means of cultivation. Once the foremost characteristics of neurosis, namely fantasy of fullness, denial of the drive and repression of anything that has to do with materiality and mortality are taken out of the way, a subject is in the position to cultivate the way and the truth. On this path, no longer subservient to the desire and demand of the other, a subject attends directly to physicality, energetics, consciousness and phenomena, without constantly rendering any of these aspects as ‘me’ and ‘mine’. Aspects that constitute one’s embodied identity are developed in a linear fashion, a more subtle stratum on top of a more gross, reflecting universality and applicability of the path to all individuals.
Doing my job, where I was helping people who suffered from various kinds of dis-ability to pave their way through conditions that resist treatment, which, as Lacan often had it, characterises the Real, I was always reminded of my parents, their uphill struggle and ceaseless dignity in overcoming challenges of life.
It is in those states of facing obstacles impossible to overcome that human beings are the truest towards the Real of life, which denotes limitations of language, science and philosophy to grasp the subtle and the unformed, which destroys preferences, views and opinions, which abhors power-seeking argumentativeness, and renders a human being naked between heaven and earth.
True humility, honesty, dedication to striving for the Divine, and kindness towards fellow others arise from this extent of surrender in the face of the truth of stress, the inevitability of death and the irreversibility of the natural decline of life’s faculties. On this soil, something else starts to shine forth from within, that which is in no way touched by suffering, that which doesn’t pertain to a declining body and often confused mind, that which no longer relies on free-flowing energy and openness of channels. This instance of the Real equivocated with the oul is that which is truly worthy of paying attention to.
True humility, honesty, dedication to striving for the Divine, and kindness towards fellow others arise from this extent of surrender in the face of the truth of stress, the inevitability of death and the irreversibility of the natural decline of life’s faculties. On this soil, something else starts to shine forth from within, that which is in no way touched by suffering, that which doesn’t pertain to a declining body and often confused mind, that which no longer relies on free-flowing energy and openness of channels. This instance of the Real equivocated with the oul is that which is truly worthy of paying attention to.
For the sake of helping others to approximate this dimension of practice, I have put together this resource - Embodiment of Real - to serve as a vehicle for conditioning body, energy, and mind in order to prepare them for encounter with the Soul, which can only happen by the Grace of God. The material on this website draws on my extensive experience of living, overcoming inner and outer obstacles in search for the way, meeting countless dead ends, discerning that which leads onwards and practising in accordance with it. My aspiration nowadays consists in that all beings may find their path to peace and freedom, establish themselves in this path and have faith in Grace that meets us half way.
