Embodying Pain Traumatic experience is pain, which could not be tolerated at the moment of its arsing. Unable to bear, mind disjoints from body and sets of spinning into the unknown, lacking refuge. In deep therapeutic work or in meditation, a practitioner inevitably encounters the nucleus of trauma, that is, a moment of disembodiment, which is perceived as unbearable. It is precisely here, by holding the space, either through the other's skillful presence or through one's ceaseless mindfulness, one can bring mind to body and anchor it there by means of the breath. Yet this process can be endless, for as long as there is someone that can be hurt, there won't be ending of painful experiences. As follows, it is impossible to 'heal oneself' from trauma. It is by investigating and abandoning 'self' that trauma is exhausted. How can a subject do so? By discerning between Imaginary body, Symbolic identity and Real presence. Encountering painful feelings in meditation, one's Imaginary body's reaction is to change posture, one's Symbolic identity's reaction is to avoid the painful topic, whereby one's Real presence is buried under previous two. By training endurance, one discerns that craving to change posture is nothing more than a craving. By recognising vacuity of evading ideation one fixes gaze equanimously on everything that arises. By sticking with this process long enough one (re)discovers one's Real presence: that of elemental movements of earth, water, air and fire, which are nothing else but solidity, viscosity, uprightness and temperature of body's material bases. However, before going that far, one usually sticks with and clings ostentatiously to Imaginary body. The latter is the body each one of us has copied off the (m)other. Precisely, it is the sense of unifying totality, that identification with the (m)other's image has given us in a nascent period of life. Before this identification took place we were nothing else but a heap of disjointed intensities between four elemental movements populated by libido. Bewildered by the chaos of it, unable as yet to mindfully discern what is what in this quagmire, we took our first refuge in the (m)other's image, in her affection and embrace, in her body, which seemed capable and strong. As such, we have taken a refuge in illusion, hence Imaginary body. From the foundation of Imaginary body Symbolic identity sprang up via acquisition of language and ideational incorporation-expulsion, whereby ideas and qualities, which were compatible with somatosensory plethora of Imaginary body were taken on board, and those incompatible were thrown away into the field of the Other. The process then further enriched itself through education and enculturing, that is, through acquisition of multiple layers of complicated symbolic identity and various knowledges. Yet regardless of how sophisticated ideational nexus of 'self' is, it is simply an extension of basic illusion of totality, which was grasped prior. |
Attachment, part 1: Sensuality The Buddha has differentiated between four kinds of attachment (upadana): - attachment to sensuality, - attachment to views, - attachment to habits and practices, - attachment to doctrines of self Let's start with sensuality: 'Now what, monks, is the allure of sensuality? These five strings of sensuality. Which five? Forms cognizable via the eye — agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, fostering desire, enticing. Sounds cognizable via the ear... Aromas cognizable via the nose... Flavors cognizable via the tongue... Tactile sensations cognizable via the body — agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, fostering desire, enticing. Now whatever pleasure or joy arises in dependence on these five strands of sensuality, that is the allure of sensuality. And what is the drawback of sensuality? There is the case where, on account of the occupation by which a clansman makes a living — whether checking or accounting or calculating or plowing or trading or cattle-tending or archery or as a king's man, or whatever the occupation may be — he faces cold, he faces heat, being harassed by mosquitoes & flies, wind & sun & creeping things, dying from hunger & thirst. Now this drawback in the case of sensuality, this mass of stress visible here & now, has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality. |
Fear vs Love is untenable argument. Both fear and love are defilements of mind. Hence, there is only opposition existing between hatred (which fear is a form of) and greed (love is a form of the latter). What triumph does one gain following love? What disgrace one amasses following fear? The answer to both is delusion. Infatuated with self-perception, one craves for unity and rejects separation, thereby love and fear come to be. The Buddha didn't teach love. He taught the Path of peace and freedom. Wherever there is fear or love, there is no room for either peace or freedom. Consider well all your undertakings: wherever there is repulsion or attraction, just pause and reflect: ' This is unsure'. Whatever is unsure is suffering. Wherever there is suffering there is no self. Keep persevering further. |
Accountability There is a new age prejudice that someone spiritually developed does not criticise others and recognises that all the hurt and misfortune experienced are solely due to one's own inner state. In thinking this way, personal responsibility is shirked, leaving one unaccountable for actions that cause hurt to others. In fact, only those whose spiritual faculties have reached maturity are completely immune to outside influences. Others, interacting with people whose virtue is at a lower level in comparison with their own, unequivocally meet with hurt, because unskilful actions of those less virtuous are harmful. One manifestation of this tendency is projection. Those who have failed to deal with their internal discord, trauma, inadequacy, sense of being damaged or otherwise unfulfilled, will externalise tension and pain produced on the inside and project them onto someone else, usually onto a person the most intimately close to them. Projection, in such a way is another way of shirking responsibility. This malady of not owning up to one's shait is increasingly widespread in the laymen's 'spiritual' communities and in the scene of alternative arts. Such people are so narcissistically attached to their sense of wholeness, righteousness, their hurt and resentment, their cherished 'authenticity' that projecting and hurting others by words and deeds that stem from 'being true to one's authentic self' becomes a norm. |
Discernment and Compassion The quality of the discerning mind is inextricably tied to aggressivity. It is aggressivity turned outwards to judge, evaluate, and sort through the phenomena of the world. Hence, we see so much competition, backstabbing, resentment and latent animosity within political, intellectual, academic and artistic circles. Often masked by well-composed manners and outer courtesy, knowledge bearers' aggressivity is akin to that of vultures fighting for a piece of a corpse. Perfectionism and idealism also often accompany the sharpness of intellect since a subject strives to embody an ideal they perceive as righteously true. It is necessary to discern pure from impure in terms of cultivation. Yet, aggressivity, idealism and perfectionism must be abandoned since they carry across defilements rooted in preference, bias, and egoic attachment. |